its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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