why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
