just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
