I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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