Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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