it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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