Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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