piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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