I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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