So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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