That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
