he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize