At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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