Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
