My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
