And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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