Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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