How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
