She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
