I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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