I wish I could teleport
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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