Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
