If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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