This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
