Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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