During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
