the condom got lost in my hair
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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