She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
