First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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