Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
