i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
