Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
