planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
