I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".