lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid