I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
even my farts smell like vagina
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.