So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
