We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
