She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
