She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
