I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
