Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
