If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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