she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
