ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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