You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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