I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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