I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
