I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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