What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
