Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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