I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
