Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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