Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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