Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
