Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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