dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize