Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
