I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
