In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
